diff --git a/blog.json b/blog.json index 183e090..361b66a 100644 --- a/blog.json +++ b/blog.json @@ -587,6 +587,12 @@ "content": "## warning : this post includes spoilers !!\n### ( if u want my work, im happy to share it, although its in lithuanian, email me : [ari.web.xyz@gmail.com](mailto:ari.web.xyz@gmail.com) )\n\ni just finished reading 1984 as i needed to pick a book to read for school\nand i already wanted to read it so yeah, i found a lithuanian translation and\nit was honestly extremely good\n\nbasically of a summery of my work\n\n> Throughout their diary entries, the reader provides a comprehensive and engaging account\n> of their journey through \"1984\" by George Orwell. The reader discusses each chapter\n> or section of the book that they have read, summarizing the events and themes\n> covered and providing their own thoughts and insights.\n>\n> The reader notes the pervasive and extreme methods of control used by the Party,\n> including censorship, propaganda, and surveillance, which are designed to maintain complete\n> obedience and conformity among the population. The reader also describes how Winston's character\n> is subjected to torture, brainwashing, and degradation, leading to his ultimate subjugation and submission to the Party.\n>\n> The reader expresses their admiration for the book's writing style, which\n> they describe as engaging, well-crafted, and emotionally resonant. The reader notes\n> that some parts of the story are difficult to read due to their disturbing and emotionally\n> intense nature, but also acknowledges the book's ability to\n> provoke strong emotional reactions and convey important messages about power, control, and individual freedom.\n>\n> In addition, the reader provides an in-depth analysis of various themes and motifs in the book, such as the nature of truth,\n> the power of language and thought, and the dangers of authoritarianism. The reader also reflects on their\n> own experiences and emotions while reading the book, offering a personal and vulnerable perspective on the story.\n>\n> In the end, the reader gives the book a rating of 11\/10 and highly recommends it to others. The reader's diary entries are a\n> thoughtful, nuanced, and comprehensive analysis of \"1984\" and its themes, while also conveying the emotional\n> impact of the story on the reader.\n\nbasically, i found book very interesting, the beginning and middle were very fun to read, but\nthe end was scary, basically, even though i didnt have much to say, i liked it, it showed how winston\nchanges over time and stuff, how winston gets so brainwashed into submission by the party into loving\nbig brother, how he falls into submission that 2 + 2 can be anything, how he and jualia betrayed\none another and what at first seemed fluffy love with a cliche storyline, it ended in a heartbreaking\nstop to their relationship and then the death of winston with his brainwashed and crushed personality\nafter a lot of torture and jailing\n\nits a very engaging story with an interesting storyline, ive only read one good ( but not as good )\nbook, white shroud ( baltoji drobul\u0117 ) by antanas \u0161k\u0117ma, both had a very nice story line and i really\nenjoyed reading them, both of them showed strong emotion which i really liked, characters faced trouble\nin life but somehow managed and overall they were good books\n\nwhile reading 1984 i made this blog post -- and\n1984 was an inspiration for me even though i already used that term before ive read it, thats why\n1984 still stands to this day, in the age where companies get a monopoly on peoples data and algorithms\nso good to keep u on there its like the party shoving u into its ideologistic system, which many people\nare brainwashed, like winston at the end, to not resist and follow their trails without saying a word\n\none of the most striking parts for me is how much impact totalitarianism makes to a human mind, winston\nwas healthy and was correct, party should be overthrown and is not stable, it is an oppressive mess\nbuilt on hate and discrimination, but then they turned him into a weak bag of bones which was easily\nforced into submission and their ideology, they turned him into a toy without any will or identity\n\nto conclude, i think anyone interested in power, control, truth and individual freedom should read it, its\na lovely and interesting book and i think a lot of people would enjoy it\n\nhave a nice day, hopefully i peaked your interest a bit :)\n", "time": 1683037489.068033, "keywords": "1984 totalitarianism control freedom foss corporate goverment psychology george orwell book reading books technology tech power truth individual emotional emotion" + }, + "doml-5-2023-05-06": { + "title": "Doml #5 -- 2023\/05\/06", + "content": "hi\n\nim fucking exhausted from today, i mean not that it was physical or anything, its\nliteral saturday and ive been just too depressed to get out of bed, although a thing made\nit much worse and almost pushed me into a panic attack\n\nbasically a friend of mine has been threatening to contact a person i like a lot recently,\nlike sure, thats fine, idc, but she always makes it seem so creepy, like she wants to make me\nlook like a stalker, but especially today, she wrote a love letter and threatened me to send it,\ni begged that she wouldnt and yeah, then she actually sent it and said it had my name on it\nand i believed it as the original one had my name in it and all, she already threatened me to do it,\nshe threatened other times to contact him for me ( like one time, which also sounded so creepy\nwas when she wanted to *'scare'* him into talking to me, like imagine how creepy that would be ) ...\ni went full panic mode, first depression came but then my anxiety and anger took over, i told her\nto go fuck herself ( including the rest of the people who saw this happen ) and went away to try to cope,\nmusic never helps so i scrapped that, then i went to hit my head, that just made me nauseous, then\ni looked for more coping mechanisms but i was too tense to be able to look at everything at detail,\ni was pulling my hair to release some tension, but yeah, guess what she did next, she fucking told me\nshe didnt do it and put her name instead, like omfg, did she just want to play with my feelings\nor something, play with me like a toy, im very sensitive and i told everyone that multiple times,\nshe knows how i reacted to other of her attempts, etc. i felt horrible and even more anger took me\nover but at that point ( even though it was only like 10 mins ) i was too tired to scream, then\nmore depression and remorse came over me so i apologized\n\n( for context i always magically feel like shit in history lessons ) this friday ( aka yesterday )\ni had history, like always i felt a bit poo but its fine, nothing unusual, the lesson went as usual,\nthe subject we went over went ok, next lesson ( i had 2 histories in a row ) we had to do some tasks,\nsure, i started doing them, i did almost all of them but he ( being my history teacher ) kept talking\nabout some map, like i knew what map but he gave us some task, i was confused, i asked him what the task\nit, instead of telling me like a normal person, he begun shouting, he took a classmates work and shoved\nit in my face, shouting how 'i was supposed to do this' like wtf am i supposed to get out of a\ncoloured map, then he told me, we were meat to colour parts of the map ... THAT WERE ALREADY FUCKING\nCOLOURED OMFG, after that, when i was hurrying to do it as i was embarrassed and hurt already he told\nmy friend, which was sitting next to me, to give me her work or smt, at this point i was feeling horrible,\nbut oh well, i refused and i told him to stop being like this, 'its fine, i didnt ask for it, stop, please\nstop' trying to make his ass stop bc i felt tears coming in, he did stop, good, after that i asked her\nfor her work so i could do it quicker anyway as i felt shit enough already from history and now the teacher\nwith added embarrassment, the lesson ended, i walked out of the school feeling like garbage, its fine\nthough\n\nthen, on thursday, we had religion class, the whole day they were taking stuff from a person, shes\nkinda quarter friend, but that day it pissed me off, she kept talking and talking abt it, we also\ntalked more than usual that day, etc. and it annoyed me, so basically, in religion class the friend\ndidnt have her phone, i had a chance to take the phone from the person who stole it ( bc omg i found\nit so fucking annoying ) so i took the chance, i walked up and tried to take her phone from him ( the\nperson who stole it ), i failed but oh well, went back to my seat, after that the most annoying motherfucker\nout there, i wont say his name but lets call him p ( so him, p, etc. dont mix ), p decided to make a comment\nhow i need a psychiatrist and even 'offering' to take me there, i just replied that i already have one\n( as i do ), i said 'yeah ? to g, shes a fucking bitch' i said ( assume g is my psychiatrist ),\nthen there, as a classmate who has the same name as g said 'im not ur psychiatrist' and i said something\nalong the lines of 'cool, shes kinda a bitch, yalls personality kinda resembles', like i dont like g ( the classmate )\noverall, but i can bare her, she pissed me off so i just said how it is, anyway, that was a fucking\nmistake and in conclusion to this day, i need to mind my own business and stop getting annoyed when the\nsame fucking person talks about the same thing over and over again lol, i have a bad habit of taking action\ninto my own hands if it bothers me, anyway\n\non tuesday and wednesday as far as i remember nothing much happened and same for monday as once again i just\nspent my day in bed, depressed, as i didnt have school\n\nmoving a week forward, on wednesday, omg, once again, the music teacher being an annoying bitch,\nshe has a habit of being entitled and being sure she did something when for a fact she didnt, like\none time she said she definitely told us to learn parts of mass ( as in christian mass ) as a music\ngenre, sanctus or whatnot, when she fucking didnt, she didnt, nobody knew that and the max grade was 9\nlmao ( we use 1-10 here ), now this time, once again during a test, we only had listened to 10 songs\nbut she gave us a test from 20, although this time she was a bit more sane and gave us time to listen\nto the songs we need and told us that we can write next week, but she still insisted she told us and that\nwe listened to every song, when in fact we only had listened to 10 of them, oh well, next week we wrote it\nand it went ok, i got a 9, possibly bc i mistook song #11, but i dont know, well see next week\n\nnow, some misc things that happened and i dont remember when\n\n- some day school psychologist made a microsoft teams group ( as were forced to use that piece of shit )\n with a few mentally unstable people in school, including me, in a month were having days where we have no school\n but we do practice work and stuff, so she suggested for us, unstable people, to join, actually i might lol,\n all other lessons sound like shit and i dont want to work that hard during those days, psychology will be like\n self discovery and stuff, i found that funny how in a school of like 420 or smt people i was added there,\n- i finished reading 1984, i enjoyed it, i presented it and this week i gave my work to the teacher to\n rate and stuff, well see how it turns out, hoping its fine\n- i havent done serious code in a while so thinking about developing something, maybe a package manager ( maybe\n even some linux distro from scratch ), maybe a programming language or smt, i kinda want to work on something\n bc i feel like im losing motivation lol and idk\n- i have *a lot* of tests coming up, like almost 2 weeks straight of tests lol, horrible, im terrified,\n i had such thing before already, i did horribly, i got such bad grades from all of them because i was overwhelmed\n by so many tests, this will probably be the same, lovely\n- i dropped my daily calorie intake, wont give any numbers, but my body isnt taking it well, i mean it was\n small before, but its even smaller, am not able to maintain it that good, like i dont go over the limit\n but i feel worse, like today i stood up and just fell to the ground like a bag of bones\n- overall, im losing my life more and more, i quit therapy and stuff ( ive talked about it before ),\n so im just there losing my last hope lol, oh well, too bad\n\nanyway, hope this wasnt too painful to read, for fun me and my friends read some fanfics and omg theyre\nso badly written i cant, hope u dont have the same exp here, til next time\n", + "time": 1683387064.832547, + "keywords": "doml day of my life dayofmylife diary teacher school test tests stress mental health depression anorexia friend stress love crush crushculture threatening mad insane" } } } \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/content/styles.css b/content/styles.css index 1d45277..af025e6 100644 --- a/content/styles.css +++ b/content/styles.css @@ -156,6 +156,7 @@ time { #blog-content { padding: 0.3em; + line-height: 1.4; } blockquote {