From 734296aaafd26323be35b6a39df7c4c8a7dc3741 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Ari Archer Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2023 02:26:42 +0200 Subject: [PATCH] update @ Wed 13 Dec 02:26:42 EET 2023 Signed-off-by: Ari Archer --- blog.json | 23 +++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 23 insertions(+) diff --git a/blog.json b/blog.json index 13c2135..f3f2a79 100644 --- a/blog.json +++ b/blog.json @@ -128,6 +128,29 @@ "top-words": 64, "top-tags": 64, "posts": { + "german-days": { + "title": "my german days", + "description": "some stories about my days spent in germany which i feel extremely nostalgic for, no matter how traumatizing it was to be there, i miss it and i'd choose it over lithuania any hour of the day lol", + "content": "i was talking with my friend about stuff and i remembered the days when i used to live\nin germany, i miss it, i have bad nostalgia feeling because of it, even though the story\nwas kinda traumatizing, at least how it ended, while it lasted it wasn't the prettiest\nby itself, it was better than the ending lol\n\n## beginnings\n\nwell, the travel to germany was cool\n\nbefore the trip i had my stuff packed like a week prior and the last day in my village / town\ni spent with a couple of people, before i had to go, then some guy picked us up by car\nand we went to klaip\u0117da, i remember going into the ship and the stairs and hallway and whatnot,\ni remember the sheer size of it\n\ni remember the ship and the cabin i stayed in with\nmy family, i brought all my stuff to the cabin and whatnot, that day i also tried toblerone\nor whatever that chocolate is called for the first time, i payed like 5 euro for it \ud83d\udc80\n\ni also remember watching despicable me and stuff on my stepfather's at the time laptop,\nnot only that, also spongebob i think, but it was basically an animated film night for me,\nthe trip took just around 2 days if i remember correctly, i remember before the trip was\nover we ate at the cafe and before the ship came to the port, we went and watched it, but\nthis brings me back to the trip, my parents got drunk and went out to the shore to smoke and\nshit, and it was slippery and dark there, so like imagine small me left with an even smaller\nbrother on a ship with people whose language we don't speak and i don't have my documents and\nwhatnot, i'd be very confused on what to do, although i think my english skills at the time\nwould've helped me at least a bit, but yeah, i was scared for that, it all went fine though\n\ni remember then going off the ship, some lithuanian lady helped us to get off the ship as we had\nmany bags, my mother made a comment about her walking very fast and the lady got angry, i felt\nbad, but oh well, we got off the ship safely and were in germany\n\nwe ported off not far from a bus stop, which is where we went, i got a diet coke there on a\nvending machine, we left at 18:00 or so and we were heading somewhere, i don't really remember how\nit worked, but iirc we were dropped off next to a train station in kiel, which is where my\nstepfather's at the time friend picked us up by his car\n\ni remember going home then, watching the stuff outside, i remember us passing a bridge iirc,\ni can't fully recall it, but i remember the moment we were dropped off next to home, the grass\nwas very outgrown in the yard, i remember us going up the small stairs up to our apartment\nand me checking it out, then we didn't have anything there, not even beds, it was empty\n\nwell, i was lucky that day, because in germany we had days where people would put out free\nstuff to take outside, and me, along with my mother and brother, went on a walk, and found a\ngood closet or commode or something of sort then and i was given it to use it for mine and my\nbrother's things ( clothing and ofc my autistic hoard of things ), i can't recall if i had my\nlittlest brother yet, but possibly, but even if he existed at the time, he probably wasn't\nold enough to do much\n\nin the evening we also got beds, i can't recall how we got them, but we got them, i got the one\nnext to the outlet and window, next to my balcony door and my brother got one closer to the door,\nand my littlest brother, if he existed even, probably slept with my parents\n\ni remember how long i used to stay up in germany, my sleep was fully fucked, i used to go to bed\nat like 5 am and birds used to chirp and whatnot lol and only then i used to go to bed, and then wake\nup at 15:00 or so, probably watching youtube or something\n\nafter some time we got used to the life in germany, my sleep got better and we discovered and picked\nout main places to be, for example the kebab place, or the main store we used to go to, i remember\nus buying popsicles which was like fruit and it had a tip dipped in something which had like popping candy\non it, maybe it was like white coloured chocolate ? i can't recall much about it, but i remember that\nit was like 20 popsicles a box, if i could find it i'd show you, but i can't find it, i also recall the pond\nand the 2 supermarkets we used to go, the football field next to the kindergarten, which was next to some\nbig building and a bridge and stuff, it was cool\n\nanyway, i also remember a couple of stories from tht period\n\n## story 1\n\none day i remember my parents giving me a mental breakdown as it used to b their hobby basically, seeing\nhow far they can push my psyche til i break and then watch me melt down, i think they found\npleasure in mentally torturing me lol, well at the time it got so bad the cops even came, or something of\nsort ? i remember cops did come and were in our yard or somewhere close, but i can't recall if they\ncame to our home or not, but basically forced me to shut up lmfao, i was breaking down hard and it\nwas just `no`, but welp, that story didn't stick with me much, i just remember that my room got fucked\nup by me and people didn't take it lightly\n\n## story 2\n\nin kiel we used to live in a rented apartment and the home wasn't ours technically, we just lived there\nand payed money for it\n\none day the landlord said that some guy is going to come to check for pipes or something, and the dude\ncame, and as i was the only person who knew english then, i was forced to talk, the guy was talking about\npipes and how he needs to check them, the landlord told my parents to not let him, but i said 'yeah go ahead'\nas i didn't know any better, i was confused anyway\n\nanyway when i came home, i remember my mother screaming at me for stuttering and being anxious about it\nand letting him check the pipes, the dude pulled up google translate and my mother pressed english\nbro i wanted to pick lithuanian so her dumbass could understand what he was saying because i didn't know\nhow to reply, like bruh, i can't with her these days nor back then\n\n## story 3\n\nback in germany i had like a telescope thing and i used to do star watching when the sky used to be clear,\nit was nice, what made it shit was that my parents used to be drunk there 24/7 and in germany it isnt socially\nacceptable to have your children around in such condition, so i remember a story when i was star watching and\nwe got screamed at by some person\n\nwell none of us except one guy knew german and the guy said it was a threat abt police bc there were children\nout with them or something, i can't recall it well lol, but welp, then i went to my balcony to watch stars\n\n## story 4\n\nthis story is basically the ending of my adventures in germany\n\none day my stepfather at the time got crazy and wanted to kill us, i was in panic, because of course\ni was, i wasn't going to go down to some random alcoholic who abused me just as my mother did, bro\ntried to break my leg once even, but anyway, i was once again the target of the whole thing and\nhad to proxy everything to them as they didn't know any english and still don't to this day\n\ni had to call police, 2 times, i remember calling the police and panicking, the lady on the phone\nasked me to calm down and tell them the address and explain the situation and whatnot calmly, which\nwas hard when ur stepfather is trying to get u fucked over in a country you don't know the language\nof and are new to it lol\n\nthe first time, police warned him and left, the 2 nd time he was taken away to police and only came\nback a day later, at that point the pot water i had boiling was aggressively boiling because i was\nprepared to use it to burn him if anything lol, this whole thing lasted a good while lol, after that\nhe came back home and it was awkward, we moved out, but it wasn't as simple as just moving out lol,\nit was many fights, problems, funding issues, etc\n\ni remember the stepfather refused to pay for tickets to all of the members, he only was going to buy\ntickets for his children lol, i am not included and nor is my mother ofc, so we couldn't, but i don't\neven think he did that, his friend paid for our tickets back to lithuania and even took us to the port\nall for free when we had to put our stuff in trash bags as we didn't have much else\n\nbefore leaving germany, i remember going to the store one last time and buying some snacks for the trip,\nit was like a snacks kit, it was cheap and was better than nothing, we didn't have much money then\n\ni remember going by ship and the food for kids from the cafeteria was free or cheap or something like that,\nwe were hungry and we ate, the ship also had a playground area we used to play with kids in, it had a tv too,\nso it was a cool place to spend time when you can't afford mobile data for example, those 2 days were painful,\nbut we got back to lithuania, where my mothers friend picked us up from klaip\u0117da and took us back to\nour village / town\n\ni remember hanging out in the train or bus stop, seeing sky scraper( s ) there and whatnot, it was pretty\nboring to wait there for hours, esp as a child lol, nothing to do basically, i drew stuff, walked around the stop,\nmaybe, if i had games on my phone, played those, til the friend came\n\nthe friend's car was crowded asf and it was painful, but in a bit we were back home, back to a basically\ncompletely empty house with nothing but my cat in it and a weird looking spider and spider web in the toilet\nwhich i got scared of when i went to the toilet, nor us nor my grandma had much money at the time so we\nwere struggling for a good while, but it got sorted out after some time, we unpacked our things, set up what\nwe had left at home and ye, i remember once my grandma making us like waffles out of corn or something ?\nit was probably the best meal i had that month, but i was struggling with eating at the time too anyway so it\nwasn't much of a surprise\n\nbut eh, slowly got back to the life of a lithuanian and it all got sorted out i think, back to the lithuanian\ndream of pure bdsm misery was back as i was back at the old town i was in with the old people and old ways of\nthinking and everything as it was -- shit\n\n## nostalgia\n\nbut welp, compared to germany, lithuania is a total shithole and i miss it a lot, i hope i get to visit kiel\none more time someday and take a walk there or something, maybe i will, but who knows, im extremely nostalgic\nfor everything there even though i've spent most of my life in lithuania, just as i am now, i want to go\nthere and experience it all again regardless of the trauma, because that shortwhile was nice, i'd like to not\nrepeat the trauma but to actually solidly live there and exist amongst germans which from own experience\nare sane and nice people, germany also has good laws and economy, it just seems like a great country overall\nand maybe i'll get to re-experience something like this again someday\n\nmaybe even find the time capsule i planted when i was there, i remember putting an sd card in it too and\nit had stuff in it, idk what else i put there, but i do remember the sd card, i'm a memory hoarder\nand i am just painfully angsty that i can't review it or know what it is, what i put on there and experience\nthe culture of kiel once again\n\nit's so annoying and so nostalgic, but at the same time has so much trauma attached to it, so many fights\nand generally it was shit, but the country itself wasn't shit, the situation of crazy people around it made\nit shit and without them, i think it'd be great\n\n## concluding\n\ni cant stress enough how much i miss germany and how nostalgic i am for it even if it wasn't much experience\nin it, i still think it's much better than lithuania, in all of those years i've been in lithuania, i would\noverthrow it all by my little spent time in germany with alcoholic, abusive and borderline psychopathic parents\n\ni wish i could go back to it, and in the future i might lol\n\nari\n\n2023/12/13", + "keywords": [ + "german", + "mental health", + "places", + "travelling", + "nostalgia", + "parents", + "migration", + "kiel", + "germany", + "lithuanian", + "lifestyle", + "abuse", + "german days", + "storytime", + "lithuania" + ], + "created": 1702419994.522748 + }, "usarilt-up": { "title": "us.ari.lt is up", "description": "us.ari.lt is up for testing, work in progress",